god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
