like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
