I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
