i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
