we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
My life is pants optional.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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