why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
