Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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