New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
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