I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
