I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
