i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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