Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize