Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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