i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
