I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
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