I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
