oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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