I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
