the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
