If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You are the jesus of drinking
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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