what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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