i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He better not be in your backpack
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
