do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
