The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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