if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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