dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
