One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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