i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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