dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
