Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
