Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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