420 ftw
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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