I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
