At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
