So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
