I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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