WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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