i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize