i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
