tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
