"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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