I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
