Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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