dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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