ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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