I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
nut hugger
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
