I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
