News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
