maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
We need to rekindle our bromance
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
