The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
