youre lurking in front of me
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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