I love you!
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you