i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.