so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.