I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I am one with the molecules
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Randomize
