I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
