Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
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