Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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