Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
