Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
