ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
My dick has a subreddit
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
