Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
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HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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