This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
