The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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