I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
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