If that was your dad, he is hot
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
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She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
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Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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